So here goes! I was in the 9th grade at a very good school at the time. The year was 1999 and I had been a top student throughout my life, although that was all about to change. I found myself in a classroom with 60 plus learners and even though I tried really hard it was near impossible for me to focus on what the teacher was saying. I guess it was at this point that my personality with its disabilities took over! Even though I didn’t know it or realise it at the time, I was unable to function in the chaotic environment and there was nothing wrong with my mental capability. I did, however, know that something was wrong but I channeled that into myself thinking that I was stupid and incapable. Slowly my self esteem dropped and so did my grades. I then made the choice to move to an institution with smaller classes and I began to excel once more. The damage had already been done though! It was then that I realized if I couldn’t cope in an environment of 60 learners, how would I ever be able to cope at university level with lecture rooms filled with up to 300 or 400 students? I gave it up. I pursued college instead because at least I knew I would be able to do well there. I gave up my dream to go to university.
Little did I know that years down the line I would have the opportunity to get my bachelors degree at an institution with a class of only 20 students. I had found the place, I had found my passion but the funding just was not there. I clutched onto that class prospectus for dear life and applied for so many bursaries but I was apparently too privileged to qualify! Six years later the funding became available and I went on to complete my Bachelor of Arts in Corporate Communication, cum laude, through Open University in London at Varsity College. Yes it was six years later, but I still have the old course outline and I am grateful that I got to do it! Now it is a further six years later and I am afforded the opportunity to specialise in my field with a qualification from an institution that physically I would not be able to cope in. My inability to focus in large groups would make it near impossible, but thanks to technology I now get to study online, on my own and get the qualification I desire. I am so excited that I was accepted to UCT’s online program and I really feel that this is God making my dreams real. I drove past that campus so often wishing that I could be part of it, but knowing that I just wouldn’t do well. I had at times cried and beat myself up for being too stupid to cope with the panic attacks and claustrophobia I would feel. I cursed myself for being who I am. But here I am today with two days to go before I start my online journey. I may never get to walk the halls of a large university, I could barely make it through my previous grad ceremonies due to the volume of people but I made it! But I will get to study and cum laude again. Don’t do it unless you can do it cum laude!
A Day In The Life 